Before the Sunrise

I actually woke up really early this morning several hours before my alarm clock and made myself some coffee and breakfast... I went outside to my little herb garden and picked some fresh cilantro and made a scrambled egg sandwich. It is very unusual because I never wake up voluntarily before the sunrise unless I have to go to the hospital or to school.
My morning: A simple prayer of thanks and praise, breakfast and a cup of coffee, morning news, and the fading embers of last night's fire... what a great way to start the morning!

Fish Tank

I've been in my apartment for almost a year now, but my fish tank has been empty the entire time. I guess I haven't had the motivation to do anything with it until now. I recently went out with a couple friends and bought some fish for the tank. They are Gourami fish from Thailand, and the picture above is my actual tank. The tank is sitting in my living room, and sometimes, I just sit and stare at the fish swimming. It really calms me down from a long and rigorous day. I always look forward to coming home and feeding them. Once they sense my presence in the room, they all swim up to the glass to greet me. I am glad that I am appreciated :)

Puppy Love?

 

How do you know you like somebody? I mean like really like-like somebody and not just "puppy love." Wikipedia defines puppy love as: "an informal term for feelings of love between young people during childhood and adolescence, so-called for its resemblance to the adoring, worshipful affection of a puppy."

So how do you know when you really like somebody and when it's not just puppy love? 

Is it when you can't stop smiling when you see her? Is it when you feel a burning sensation or butterflies in your stomach when you're near her? Or is it when everything she says makes you laugh and smile? Or is it when you can't stand seeing her cry? Or is it when you can't seem to find the words to speak when you are near her? Or is it when you speak to her, you stutter? Or is it when you look out your window at the stars at night, you wish she were beside you leaning on your shoulder?

How do you know? "Love" or "Puppy Love?"

Just Some Thoughts

It is long past sunset, yet I sit here with a cup of hot chamomile tea and some light music playing in the background. Today was very relaxing. I woke up very early before the break of dawn to study for an exam. I was 15 minutes late to the exam, but it didn't bother me much. After class, I went and slept in the car for a few hours. Early in the evening, I met up with a few awesome people, and we drove off to dinner as the sun began to set. Why did God bring these people into my life? I think simply for the sake of laughs and smiles... but maybe more...
It was a pretty relaxing day. Now I'm in my warm room with my almost empty cup of chamomile and some light music in the background. I should be asleep-- why can't I stop thinking about it?

Content

I was talking to a friend today about being single on Valentine's Day. I am bold enough to say that I am content with being single. I am so busy with life that it doesn't seem to bother me like it bothers many other people... February 14th is coming up, yet I am still satisfied with spending time with friends and family. Hearts, teddy bears, flowers... I think I'm okay. I think I'll be fine... I think so.

Post #5: The Hallways of Tears, Confusion, and Heartbreak

As I walk contemplatively through the hallways of tears, confusion, and heartbreak, I hear whispers and dreams that once were alive-- that once were in motion, but now have been silenced by the years.

I have noticed that some of my colleagues have found a certain joy in caring for these people, but as for me, I have continually found it to be very sad and rather depressing. I have tried to "talk" myself into enjoying the work, and I've tried to put on a smile when assisting residents with ADLs and extra activities, but all I find myself doing is feeling sorry. I have been learning a great deal of clinical skills, and my nursing proficiency has increased during this clinical rotation, but I also feel that I have not found much joy. I do find satisfaction in making the residents happy, and it isn’t the residents who sadden me, but it is the loss of their dreams that drown my heart in tears.

I see people who once were joyful and full of life, but now are being treated like babies; they are fed and have scheduled times when they will go to “activities” that they are expected to enjoy. I see people who once had dreams and expectations. I see people who once had a best friend. I see people who once laughed. I see people who once cared and once loved.

But it’s as if a thief suddenly robbed them of all their possessions.

The dreams that they once had are now forgotten, meaningless, and are only whispers that they sometimes mumble in our ears. The friends and family that they once knew are now strangers. The sounds of laughter that once came from these people are now replaced with cries of confusion, anger, and dismay. The people they once cared for and once loved have abandoned them, and their hearts don’t understand. They are lost.

Now essentially, my job as a nurse is to use my skills to care for and bring back health to these aged bodies, but I find myself only doing that much for them. Anything else I do doesn’t seem to bring back the dreams and the joy that they once had. I cannot give back their lost possessions, and all I can do is try to help maintain their health until God decides their time is up.

As I walk contemplatively through these hallways of tears, confusion, and heartbreak, I hear myself crying inside for these people. I realize one day my dreams and my hopes and my joys will only be a whisper that I will mumble into somebody's ear. But gladly and fortunately, I can hope, and I can know that after those years have passed, and my aged body has rested, and I have breathed my last breath, I will be in the care of my Heavenly Father who will whisper more than just dreams into my ear.

Post #4: Aurevoir!

My resident and I have developed a special relationship. She is an ex-nurse and a very skilled one for that matter. When I first started working with her, she would always be adamant that I do certain techniques better and more efficiently. To be honest, I was a little insecure most of time because of her background, but after a while, I began to appreciate her knowledge. She has taught me so many things that I didn't expect to learn from this clinical rotation. She has also taught me A LOT of confidence.
I watched Professor Haldeman do a physical assessment on a resident, and the professor did it with ease and confidence. It is that confidence that I wish to possess one day. That confidence is what my resident noticed that I lacked. She has continued to talk to me about how I should speak to the patient, how I should stand, how I should state requests, and most importantly, how I should educate the patient.
I feel that God has blessed me with this resident, and I feel so sad knowing that I may never see her again. I do not like to let go of people who have made big differences in my life, and this resident has impacted me very tremendously.
She is such a strong person; She does not live life scared of anything. She has no fear in death and is pretty at ease about all her conditions. I hear no complaints from her about any of her conditions. She has also opened up to me saying that she is a Christian, and it makes me so happy to know that because if anything does happen to her, I will know in my heart that she will be with the Savior.
Her confidence, fearlessness (even in the face of disease and physical deterioration), and caring attributes will always remain in my heart even when I graduate. I don't think I could ever forget this resident.